Monthly Musings: It Could Be Worse

Since the start of this year my fibromyalgia has really been getting me down.

I can’t leave my house without my cane or I risk my leg giving out. My pain comes and goes in flares (bad days feel like a miserable flu), I have the memory of a drunken fruit fly (and a similar level of concentration), and I’m tired all the time – walking out to pick up my boys for lunch (about 45 minutes of walking spread over 70 minutes) would result in an hour-long nap.

In short, fibromyalgia sucks.

And then I got Covid.

(We think. My rapid test was somewhat inconclusive, and I didn’t qualify for a PCR, because apparently Covid is over here, despite having more than double the wastewater levels we ever had. Grrr.)

Fortunately, the acute phase didn’t hit me as hard as it could have – mostly it just drained my (already pathetic amount of) energy. I spent the first three days sleeping around the clock, only getting up for meals.

I spent the next week needing naps after every small activity. Took a shower? Nap until lunch – and rest on the couch for the rest of the day.

Over the past five weeks, I’ve worked myself up to longer stretches without naps – but I still can’t make it through a day without one, and the more I push myself, the more likely I am to end up in a pain flare the next day.

Today, 44 days after I started showing symptoms, I’m finally about to attempt to walk to the school again – and I fully expect to lose the rest of my afternoon to a nap.

Is this Long Covid? Is this just a worsening of my fibromyalgia? Is it something else entirely? I don’t know. And I may never know. (Welcome to the world of chronic illness, where nothing is certain, and most of the time the doctors either accuse you of making it up or blame it on anxiety.)

The point is, Covid has made me realize, that as much as I thought my life before April 2022 sucked, it wasn’t the worst it could be.

I don’t know if many people stop to appreciate what they have, knowing that at any minute it could change. One accident or infection is all it takes to change your life forever. But from now on, I’m going to try and feel better about what I do have and what I can do, and try to cut myself more slack on my weaknesses.

Because, after all, it could always be worse.

May Check-In

I was going to start this post by asking, “What to April? How did it disappear so quickly?” But then I remembered.

Covid.

Yep, that’s right, it finally caught me, thanks to our Provincial government deciding to drop masks at schools. Fortunately, our household was mostly asymptomatic or mildly symptomatic.

Except for me.

I did nothing but sleep for three whole days. Then for the next two weeks I basically slept after any exertion (like, say showering, or making myself lunch).

Now, almost exactly a whole month later, I can handle larger excursions before needing a nap, but my energy levels are still well below where they were in March (and they weren’t that great then).

On the bright side, I managed to pass my driver’s test, so I don’t have to walk as much now (although hopefully I will walk again more once my stamina returns.)

And, that’s it. I watched a lot of bad tv (working my way through all the mystery shows on Disney+), read, and listened to a whole bunch of audiobooks.

April Reading Stats

  • YA Suspense (2)
  • YA Mystery (5)
  • YA Sci Fi (4)
  • A Urban Fantasy (6)
  • DNF (Did Not Finish) (1)

April Total: 17

Year-To-Date Total: 44