Logline Critique 6

Title: SENTINEL

Adult Historical Paranormal Fantasy

The U.S.’s top psychic has gone rogue. Cold War in full swing, tensions are high as the world powers are forced to work together and assemble two teams of their top psychics and soldiers to hunt him down before he destroys the civilized world one atomic bomb at a time.

 

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4 comments

  1. Usually I like a logline that jumps right into things, but I think yours might benefit from a bit of set-up to explain the world and thus clarify the stakes. Perhaps starting with something like “The Cold War is in full swing and both sides have armed themselves with teams of psychics who ____(insert what the psychics do – I tend to think of psychics as mind-readers, which I think is what’s throwing me) But when the U.S.’s top psychic goes rogue, the warring countries must work together to hunt him down before he destroys the civilized world one atomic bomb at a time.”
    This definitely sounds intriguing, though. Good luck!

  2. I agree that some re-ordering could help your logline. I’m unsure from just the first line where the psychics fit into the U.S. (military). I think your second sentence could be a good starting sentence with some tweaking. I’m unsure who the protagonist of the story will be – the psychic or the team; I kinda like this approach though. It lends a sense of mystery that works well!

  3. Ooo! Exciting! Give me more!

    However, this feels like it’s in need a of a little reworking. Things feel a little jumbled and out of order. Maybe instead, try starting with something like this: “With the Cold War in full swing, tensions are running high, but the world powers have no choice but to work together when one of the U.S’s top psychic’s goes rouge…” blah, blah, blah, something like that?? I’m just pulling that out of my hat here, but you get the idea. I think with a little rearranging and a few edits, this will be a very intriguing little hook!

    Good luck!

  4. A neat story! I can see this as a movie – James Bond goes physic? So cool! I would echo the reordering suggestions. Consider giving a year (the Cold War in the late 40’s is way different from the mid 80’s, so a year would really nail the setting).
    Can you give your rogue a name, maybe an age? It gives the story some intimacy.
    I’d like to know what skills / knowledge this rogue has and what’s driving him to be a rogue. That might show some of the conflict between the rogue and the world powers that want to take him out, and might help define the stakes for your rogue protagonist.
    Hope these thoughts help. It’s a good premise!

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