Logline Critique 31


NA Romantic Suspense

Jace is a thief who steals from rich people and gives his loot to those in need. Alane just graduated from college and is looking to shed her good girl image when she crosses paths with him. As she joins him on his crusade and starts to develop feelings for him, she must decide if staying with him is worth the risk of jail time or even death.


8 thoughts on “Logline Critique 31

  1. I get the romance, I even get the suspense. If anything, I have two thoughts. 1) This feels long. I’m not running it against a word counter but it feels long. 2) Amp up the reasons for or the suspense, otherwise it feels like jail time is the perfect thing to lose the good girl image, not exactly suspenseful.

  2. I love the idea of suspense and romance intertwined. My only comments, and you can certainly decide if this works, is to take out the words “just graduated from college”.I like the fact that she’s looking to shed her good-girl image. Can you say in one word what attracts her to him. She has “feelings for him” what about “She’s falling in love with him”? Is that a stronger image. I would certainly pick up this book, based on the blurb.

  3. This log line is intriguing and I would definitely want to read chapter one. I think you need to leave in that Alane just graduated from college – it tells us important info about her age and stage in life. I wonder if you could tighten things up by starting with Alane, her need to shed her good girl image, and then enter Jace, her feelings for him (I agree with pmooers456 – try to be specific), and her choice.
    I need to work on specifics too. 😉 Good luck.

  4. I agree with Julia, above. I think your logline needs to start with Alane, and work in Jace second. I also think you could up the stakes by getting specific about “her feelings” and also the death part (are they ripping off organized crime syndicates?)
    Otherwise, this one’s pretty good. Good luck with it.

  5. Robin hood–maid Marian. That is what the log line immediately makes me think. I agree, though, if you focus it on her, it would be a great spin.

  6. I agree that this needs to be focused on Alane. Next, you need to motivate her goal. You are saying she is willing to risk jail or death in order to meet her goal, which is shedding her good girl image. Why does she need to shed it SO BADLY that she’ll risk her life? As written, this makes her sound a bit daft and you don’t want that. Good luck!

  7. Great title 🙂 I really like this premise and I think you’ve got all the elements for your logline here – just adding a few descriptive words in would give it a bit more flavor. For example, I like the use of the word crusade – that tells me a lot about Jace – but a descriptive word in front would tell me so much more – a violent crusade, a misguided crusade, a dangerous crusade, etc. Good luck.

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