Logline Critique 27

Title: Impossible Quests

YA Fantasy

To avoid becoming betrothed, Princess Rosalinda demands impossible tasks in exchange for her hand in marriage. When princes from rival kingdoms disappear, their families demand their safe return or risk a war.  Rosalinda must fight a dragon, witch, ogre, pirate, and giant spider to save the princes.

Advertisements

9 comments

  1. Great story! To me, the first two sentences sound a little disjointed. What about…
    To avoid becoming betrothed, Princess Rosalinda demands her suitors perform impossible tasks in exchange for her hand in marriage. When the princes disappear, their families, from rival kingdoms, threaten with war if they are not found. Rosalinda must fight…Good luck!

  2. I agree with the comments from wczrkwcz. I think making that tweak would strengthen your logline.
    My other comment is this sounds a bit more like a middle grade story to me, even though the princess is YA age. I don’t know if it’s the tone of the logline, or just the subject matter – and I can’t tell from reading it if the story is going to be older and darker, but right now it reminds me of E.D. Baker’s MG fairy tale re-tellings.

  3. This is a neat story premise. I wonder if you could open with Rosalinda’s character attributes: ‘(Strong, willful, proud, foolish?) Rosalinda plans to avoid betrothal by . . . .’ Her goal (avoid marriage) changes midway through the story (save the kingdom from angry rivals). Does her initial character strengths help her, hinder her or change when those goals change? I sense a lot of character development happening behind the plot and you might want to capture some of that in your log line. Hope this is a useful review.

  4. First, love the sound of your story and it does interest me but… I think it could be stronger. The first two sentences leave me slightly confused, do the prince’s disappearances have to do with the tasks? Why does the MC have to save them? Also, I think it would be interesting you had one or two examples of the tasks. It might help to show more of your MC by explaining these tasks she’s assigning.

  5. Great premise, the princess almost sounds like a villain…or someone not to be trusted, which is very interesting. Is she causing the disappearances? Or is someone framing her? I think that needs to be clearer. Otherwise great tone to the words here. Sounds like a good fantasy and also maybe making fun of the genre some, which is always enjoyable.

  6. If her goal is to avoid being betrothed, why would she save the princes? Their being gone meets her goal and the story is over. It sounds like her goal is probably something else here, otherwise, she wouldn’t enter this battle in order to avoid war.

  7. Great start, but the last half of the log line sounds rushed. Why does she have to fight? How does she even know what happened to the princes in the first place?
    This sounds like something I’d like to read though!

  8. Funny, but I was totally seeing that as a picture book! Ok, so she got what she wanted – princes busy aka gone – and now it backfired – their families demand she finds them or it’s war. Bummer. While the fact that she has to go (on her own? Against her will?) find those annoying princes and fight for them (yeah!) – is there another twist to the story? She’s gonna be on the road with a handful of princes after all when she saves one after the other – hope she doesn’t lose her heart after all… 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s