Logline Critique 25

Title: The Land of Plenty

MG fantasy science fiction
While searching for their missing brother, 12 year old twin sisters, Courtney and Lesley, stumble into a medieval world where animals rule and monsters roam just in time to see their brother, Josh, being carried away from a bloody battlefield by a dragon.  Befriended by a community of woodland animals living in a castle, the twins must rescue their brother while helping their new friends face a threat straight out of a nightmare.
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6 thoughts on “Logline Critique 25

  1. This could be even shorter and still grab my attention. I like the medieval-animal twist instead of just one or the other. I don’t think anything sticks out as wrong. I would totally buy this.

  2. I think this is a pretty good logline, it laid out the stakes and piqued my interest. A few little things: twelve-year-old should be hyphenated, I really wanted to know if the brother was older or younger – it changes the dynamic – and I would have loved a more specific description of the threat, since everyone’s nightmares are different, it doesn’t tell me much. But overall you did a great job!
    Good luck. Hope I get to read this one day!

  3. For me, this logline is too vague. How do they “stumble into a medieval world”? Are they from today? Did they fall through a portal? Why twins? Is it a younger or older brother? Do they have to fight those monsters or just make friends with animals? Do animals fight? You mention “a bloody battlefield.” What is the threat you mention at the end? Can you name it? This being said, this sounds fun to read.

  4. I totally agree with everything K. Callard wrote above. This sounds like a fun book and I can say that I’m hooked!

  5. I like this! It has that Chronicles of Narnia feel to it. I don’t see much to critique, except maybe that the first sentence is too long and should be broken up. But overall, excellent job!

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