Logline Critique 22

Title: The Magician’s Daughter

Adult, Historical Mystery

Not many women are magicians in 1870s Europe, but that doesn’t stop Valentina, until Sterling Caindale, her father and the greatest magician in all of Europe, is murdered onstage. Valentina, abandons her dreams in order to find his killer, and soon becomes entangled in an underground society of performers who are more than they seem.
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6 thoughts on “Logline Critique 22

  1. Love the topic! I would say that the stakes aren’t perfectly clear. Valentina has already left her dreams, and it’s not clear what the strange society of performers hold over her besides death. To gain more space, you could change the greatest magician in all of Europe to just “Europe’s greatest magician,” and don’t forget to nix the comma after Valentina in the second sentence. Good luck!

  2. I really like this premise. I would like to know whether Valentina has to use the magic skills she’s (illicitly?) gained in order to help solve the mystery. Also, are the performers also magicians or are they performers in some other field? Overall, very intriguing. Good luck!

  3. This logline is pretty good – you’ve certainly got me wanting to read on. I think you could strengthen it by dropping the father’s name. Just “…until her father – the greatest magician in all of Europe – is murdered onstage…” (I like the sound of this better than “Europe’s greatest magician”). I also think you could add to the second part “In order to find her father’s killer, Valentina abandons her dreams and soon becomes entangled in an underground society of performers who are more than they seem…” and then add some kind of stakes – “and just might be the death of her, too.” (You know, or something like that.)
    Good luck, it sounds lie an interesting story.

  4. l like the premise, too. And I agree with dropping the father’s name. Consider being a bit more specific with the stakes. ‘more than what they seem’ seems rather vague, though I like the eerie feel from the ‘underground society of performers’.

  5. I like the premise too and agree with the comments above. The only thing I’d mention is with so much fantasy on the market, the term magician is often related to someone with magical powers 🙂 Maybe the second reference to magician could be ‘illusionist’ or ‘magic act’.

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