Logline Critique 18


YA Contemporary Romance with Thriller Elements

Living her lifelong dream, Laurel wins a ticket to exotic Rio, only to face mistaken identity, heart-pounding temptations, and kidnappers who will kill her if the ransom isn’t paid.

6 thoughts on “Logline Critique 18

  1. I think this one is pretty good, you gave us stakes. You kept it nice and short, which means you have room to work in a bit of voice, or even more description of Laurel, if you want. (I’d also suggest adding her age, it seems to be a convention of YA & MG loglines.)

  2. Oh. I totally missed that this was YA until I read K. Callard’s comment above! Yes, I would definitely suggest adding her age! To me, this log line read as adult chick lit until I clued into the “YA Contemporary” categorization.

    Also, while I applaud you’re ability to keep things so short (seriously, how do you do that?! I must be long winded or something…) I’d liked a little more sparkle. Just a detail or two that takes your MC from generic to glam! (If your struggling on how to do that, K. Callard wrote a great post on writing queries and synopsis’s, which included a section about characters that might help!)

    Good luck!

  3. I have to agree with what the others said. It’s a very solid logline but I’d suggest more voice and characterization. Make it stand out and show a little of what makes your story and character unique.

  4. I’d start with the title – how about Rio, Romance and Recklessness. Then it’s truly a “case of three” with alliteration.

    As for the logline itself, you’ve got a lot in there, but it’s not really that compelling because it has no voice. You can sacrifice that it’s a life-long dream because it’s not really relevant and pick up a few words at the same time. “Laurel wins a ticket to exotic Rio, only to face mistaken identity. When she gives in to a heart-pounding temptation, she ends up kidnapped.Something about why.” Just trying to give you an idea, not claiming any of that really works. 🙂

  5. To echo those above, I would add a little more detail (especially give her age). I also would change the opening from “Living her lifelong dream, Laurel wins a ticket to exotic Rio…” to maybe “After winning a ticket to Rio, a place she’s always dreamed about, Laurel…” Just a thought… Otherwise I think it’s pretty good. Good luck!

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